i will never coherently bang her
birth control should be required to get into college
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
