And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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