I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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