My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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