Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
