She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
