I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
