Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize