Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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