We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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