your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
