I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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