dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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