We had to coat check the pizza.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize