if only i could text you this smell
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
love makes seman taste better
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
