when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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