you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize