i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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