I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
