I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
