I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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