I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
