she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
