Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
