Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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