I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
