She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
