I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
