: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
