i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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