so that wasnt chicken after all
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
