Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Randomize
