I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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