You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
