no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
