Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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