Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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