Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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