have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
