I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
