hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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