If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
