I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
COCAINE IS GR8
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