Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
