Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
