were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
