he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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