I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
