tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
