She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
