He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
