Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
