Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
