My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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