Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
