you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
