Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
