they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
