ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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