I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
