I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
