the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
