She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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