I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
