You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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